I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
