so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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