Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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