I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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