Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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