I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
