i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
