i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
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