one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
