Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
