i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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