Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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