i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
