She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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