That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
