marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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