so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
