i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
