Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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