I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
