went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
