Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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