Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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