i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
