well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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