He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
