while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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