Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize