Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
