I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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