New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
