I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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