Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
