All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
