You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
