the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my sisters under your porch take her home
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
