Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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