It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
