Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
