How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
