I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
