I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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