she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
