I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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