Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
