DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
