So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
