you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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