thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
