Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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