He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
