I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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