Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
