drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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