I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
