Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
