He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
