Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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